No, I had no caffeine or even anything remotely sugary before sleeping. No horror movies or pictures or dead puppies. And as I was NOT sleeping last night, I thought about why the hell I couldn’t fall asleep. And I did come up with something.
It occurred to me that I never have trouble sleeping in class, when I’m on the verge of failing, or when there are a slew of projects due the next day and I haven’t started. Schedules cringe in fear of how much I DON’T follow them. But that night, I had finished everything I had planned to do, and I did it with time to spare. Now, I’d think this would equate to a better quality of sleep that I’m used to but it in fact equated to barely any at all. And I realized the reason why: Sleep is the ultimate act of defiance. In fact, if one day all of mankind developed the ability to fall asleep on a whim, it would replace cussing as the most widely used insult.
Let’s say you screw up. Screwing up equates to somebody yelling at you right? But halfway through the yelling, the person doing all the yelling notices that you’re asleep. Not pretending to be asleep, cause that’s rude and cliché. No, you’re ACTUALLY asleep. What message does that send? Probably something along the lines of “I don’t give a fuck and being unconscious is a better use of my time than this.” Basically, falling asleep is a slap in the face and it shows more than anything that you don’t care
And that night, when I had everything wrapped up with a neat little bow, complete with frilly lace and a pretty pink greeting card… I had nothing to NOT care about.