Tubbs

For the past few days, a strange substance has been appearing in my fridge. It’s a weird greenish color, and it has some yellow… bits. It’s kind of like a mist of… something. I honestly don’t know what it is. I’ve seen it in every possible container too. Plastic bottles, pitchers, even a bottle of vodka (which I did NOT almost drink because the lights were off). None of these containers, however had any sort of label on them. Except the bottle of vodka, which I am sure it was not.

Anyway, just a while ago I went to get a glass of water. And there it was. An entire pitcher of Substance X. Then I thought “To hell with this, I’m drinking this shit. It’s the ONLY way I’m going to find out what the FUCK this is.” But then I recalled the words of the Eternally Wise Joey Tribbiani: “It’s fat. I drank FAT.”

I’m no chef, so I have no idea why Monica just happened to have a glass of fat in her fridge, but I’m sure she had a good reason. And until I saw that episode, I didn’t even know fat could be stored in drinkable form.  But this Substance X is EXACTLY what I imagined the liqifat would look like. So just like that I was confronted with a choice. Drink the Substance, and have my curiosity satisfied, but possibly drink a glass of fat. Or NOT drink the Substance and forever be haunted by it. It was a risk.

Now, I’m not really a risk-taker. I usually prefer the safer option. But that’s not to say I never take chances. I have, and they’re paid off. But they were small things. I mean, it’s not much of a risk if all your putting at stake is some money, or maybe some pants wearing. I’ve never come to a choice that will ACTUALLY affect things, with real big consequences. Like a LOT of money, or a lot of pants wearing. Or even my certain credibility.

All of us have  to take risks, I guess. Thing is, on TV, you can always tell how risks are going to turn out. In a fluffy light time show, they’ll always benefit the character and show that taking risks is good sometimes. In a gritty edgy show, it will turn out very badly. If there was an aforementioned worst case scenario, it WILL happen. Possibly with somebody dying. Or in a complex sci-fi show, the world will decide to throw in some weird ass new choice nobody knew about before. Basically, whatever option will be the most dramatic/cool/funny/touching, etc.

And now we yet again see the stark, extremely depressing contrast between fiction and real life. See, in real life, we also have risks. Usually ones with big rewards and very unfortunate consequences. But real life isn’t guided by some writer playing god. There is no all-seeing entity controlling what we do (let’s not get into that now). But they ARE still risks. And the higher reward well, you know the rest. Thing is, when the numbers SAY you have a 0.000…1% chance of finding a golden ass cleaning toilet in your backyard, they really DO mean it’s never gonna happen, no matter how many entertaining implications there might be to it. And if they say you’re not going to win the lottery, they mean YOU’RE NOT GONNA WIN THE DAMN LOTTERY, even if it would create circumstances in which you are hated by everyone you know and realize that money isn’t true happiness.

In fact, all out lives we’re taught to play it safe. Sure, like, they mention the fact that risks can pay off sometimes. But that’s just so that they don’t seem like they really just want you to always choose a solid, not great reward instead of the -mystery box-. Because the mystery box probably has a freaking boat in it. Or maybe not. But this isn’t one of the times when I give you advice, or some sort of perspective. I’m just ranting here. If you want to go drive in the oncoming lane until just before you get a face full of truck, go right ahead. I on the other hand, opt to not have to go to the hospital. No, I’m not going to drink the fat. At least, not yet.

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2 responses to “Tubbs

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