Monthly Archives: December 2011

Just an Observation

I have failed. Miserably. Should have known better than to even think about attempting it. I can’t say I actually attempted though because… I didn’t. I really wonder what that says about me as a person but… I don’t really want to get into that here.

Oh well, there’s always the new year. Which is pretty much the same as the old year, except we’ll be writing 2012 on everything.

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All the Way There

I took the train today. The LRT, to be specific. But there aren’t any stations near my house. So I took the MRT there. Took a train to go to a train. It’s not just changing lines. not when your destination is the train. Sure, I got off at another stop once I got on the second train. I got off at four, in fact. But they weren’t really destinations, since it didn’t matter exactly which was which. So they were just places, doing what they do best. Sitting then, just like places often do. And the those four stops, I did… nothing.

Areas around train stations and crowded roads aren’t exactly the best places to hang around. But my desire to wander and get lost was stifled by the strength of my feet and my… not wanting to get lost, so I (as well as my companions) limited our exploration to the immediate vicinity of wherever we got off. It was strange. Everybody was rushing somewhere. They all had destinations. I just had… places. Places that I knew nothing about too. Which made the most mundane things exciting. I already know that most run-down shopping complexes smell like fried food and fake pants. But I don’t know what THIS one smells like, let’s go inside!

This all ties in with the longest term goal I have right now. That is, to finish college, get a job, and be able to support myself. I don’t call it becoming an adult though, because I’ll obviously retain my childlike sense of whimsy and fun. My studio apartment will have a gumball machine, and theme parties. And I’ll put in a secret passage too. Without getting a permit for it.

Well, I’ve been chipping away at it bit by bit. But I think I’ve just passed the “Won’t die if left alone for a week” line, and am still pretty damn far from the “Functioning member of society” line. And this trainventure (That’s train adventure, not train venture. Train venture sounds like something people would invest in) did serve some purpose. First of all, it’s given me something to write about for English. Yes this was an assignment. A very cool assignment. But it’s also given me an idea of how to deal with… the people that you don’t know. They should come up with a word for that. And I suppose I should really try to get out of my little bubble if I’m going to function out in the world. Or at least be opening to moving my bubble somewhere else.  This must be how the repressed, never left the village in my life Disney characters feel.

I’ve never really just… gone to places either. Without some sort of purpose. At least, places that are more than a few minutes away from my house/school. Going to a place you have absolutely no emotional attachment to is refreshing, and I highly recommend it to all of you. I think that’s all I should say about this, so I’ll finish up. I didn’t really want to write about this at all, because it isn’t the kind of thing I post here, really. Much too personal. Not meaning private, just meaning… about my person. But this type of thing is one that just begs to be written about.


Aw, Well

Sometimes I think that if I can just keep up my pace, everything will turn out awesome. I’ll just keep going and going. Not too fast. But nothing will be able to stop me. I’ll get everything I ever wanted, within reason at least. Not all at once, like some divine outpouring of gifts. But slowly, one by one, when I deserve them. Just like every little boy was taught by his parents. Patience finally paying off for once. But my fortune will not be a reward for temperance, or any measure of my soul alone, but also of my skill for doing what I love.

And I’ll surround myself with family. Not blood family, mind. They’ll still be there making occasional appearances in my life. But I’m talking about the surrogate family comprised of all my closest friends. Because while I’m probably not too likable at first, they’re the ones who for some reason or another stuck around long enough to realize that I’m not THAT much of a loser. Does that sound exactly like the plot of Friends? Yes. And that is not at all a bad thing.

That doesn’t seem like too much to ask, does it? Not happiness or anything. Just contentedness. Like a circle satisfied only going around itself time in, time over. Is it so hard to imagine that I can squeeze at least that much good from this universe? That I’ll get good things by doing good things, like how the universe was always supposed to work? Is it so hard to imagine that I can at least make myself think this with any kind of constancy? No, apparently not.