After months of intense back-and-forth-yness I’ve decided to shift, finally. And now that my mind is set on it I don’t really have to do much else. Well… all the shifting stuff. But that’s easycakes. Oh, and I have to tell my parents. As much as I would love not to, I’m pretty sure they’d be suspicious when I graduate a year earlier than I’m supposed to. And when my degree doesn’t have the word “Biology” on it. Unless they happen to put “Not Biology” on it. And unlike all the hookers I’ve killed and all the drugs I do on a regular basis (10:00-11:30 MWF), I think this counts as something they should know. Stupid heredity.
As you may or may not be able to tell from this, I don’t find long discussions with my parents particularly pleasant so I’ve been thinking of ways to get the conversation started. Some of my better ideas are presented below.
– Bring up a country that partakes in lavish feasts (India, China, etc. I think. I or I’m being racist). Somebody will say “I wish I could have one of those ten course meals.” At this point, I interject with “Speaking of courses…” and go right into the rest of the thing.
– Wait until my dad needs help with his laptop, which is pretty much every other day. Incorporate the following sentence into my telling him how to do stuff: “Well yes, just press shift and the letters will come out capital. And speaking of shift…”
– Catch my parents watching one of their police procedural/courtroom dramas. One of the characters will inevitably mention his/her law degree from a fancy college, at which point I will interrupt with “Speaking of a law degree…” Of course, this would only work if I was going to try to get a law degree so I guess it’s… not going to work.
– Commit a series of murders, the victims of which will all be people tied to the field of Biology (researchers, lab techs, students, etc.). After pulling off several of these murders without being caught because I was wearing gloves and didn’t leave any fingerprints, I’ll bring the news up to my parents with “Boy, it’s a bad time to be a Biology major right now. Which is great cause…”
I admit, I still have to give it some thought.